Happy Mother’s Day

I went to a talk yesterday…wrapped in the title of women’s empowerment.  Being that I have been reading, listening, submersing, warrioring in all things female these days, I grabbed my flannel and fled to the speech. Gratefully, the speaker of boundless energy and conviction, was a mother.  Her timing thought through…the day before Mother’s Day.  And yes, the Church Hall audience was teeming with women.

She began with birth…that miracle we have created.  She shared embryonic facts about the wonders of the female body, to develop a being as it does and what our bodies give if we have carried a child within ourselves.  And then she offered this scientific and cellular fact: a baby growing within the womb will sense if there is damage to the mother’s heart.  And if there is, it will send cells to help repair the wounds. The baby’s hearts heal ours. And whether in utero or not, the lifeline continues.

The talk went on, and I got what I needed.  But I walked out more aware of my beating heart.  Wondering if there had been moments of heart ache and pain that my growing girls had felt.  And by the bond we shared, sent their sweet cells.

We, as moms, may be a bit taken aback by this shift in scenarios.  As it seems the moment we see their squinted eyes, clenched fists, and rooting lips, we have found our mission in their midst.  We comfort them.  We nurture them.  We cloak them and protect them.  We guide them and try to teach them. And when they hurt, we do all in our warrior power to heal them.  It is what we do.  It is what our mothers did.  It is what their mothers did and the lineage continues.

The job gets harder as the wounds get bigger.  No longer is it a skinned knee or a lost lovie.  It becomes a broken heart, a lonely path, a dying friend, a shattered dream.  We still try to heal our precious kin…slowly becoming aware we can’t mend their pain. Try as we may, it is their pain in their path.

So they push us to the side, and we painfully land on our ass. Confused, we wonder what we, the ever present mother, did to deserve such abandonment. Until we look back, and see we did the same.  We pushed our mothers to the side so we could grow.  We had to bite hard to cut the thread and let our mother know we had this. Yes, and any mother of a teenager understands this is a time of both pain and beauty, severing and growth.

It is never an easy realization for us. Because we know within that beating heart, we still desire to connect and still have so much to share. So we stumble and fall, flip out and rage, butt in when we shouldn’t and forget when we should, completely fuck up and try to forgive ourselves.  It is a choppy sea for a long time until finally the waves calm, and we see all we can do is be there as the compassionate witness, our hearts beating alongside but not for them.

And perhaps their wise souls knew that all along.  As we grew them in our belly or in our arms, they healed our tender hearts.  They made our hearts strong enough to create the bond and then let it bend…perhaps even break. So they could grow and show us they would be able to stand alone in this world of suffering and joy.

So Happy Mother’s Day…to each of you as wipe tears, receive eye rolls, watch curfews and comfort sorrows.  May you know your heart is strong enough to hold the heartaches and joys that come with this gift of motherhood.  And may you celebrate yourself as a miracle, a warrior, a mother.

With love and a heartbeat…Else